life as a medical student wife

I am sure there are a few of you who know what I am talking about. I am currently living in the mixed up world of the single married wife. It is when you spend most of your week doing all the waking hour work all alone. It is such a hard thing to understand for many especially family or those who just see that happy smiling face you put on everyday.

It is not to say that you aren't happy but if you are like me I keep the stress of it all to myself. To better understand here is a typical week for me and my hubby.

Monday hubby leaves at 5am and I groggily say I love you before rolling back over for another couple hours before getting the crew up for the day. He then comes home every other week in time to tuck the kids in bed by 8pm. That means a good 15 hours away on a good week and then on late weeks he comes home by midnight which means a long 19 hours apart.

Tuesday oh I love tuesdays, he usually leaves again around 5am but then returns about 7. 14 hour days are a DREAM and we can get so much done when he can make it back at night to actually eat dinner with us and help get homework, baths, and everyone everywhere they need to be.

Wednesday another late night giving us about 18-19 hours apart and he chats with the kids on the phone to get the scoop for the day.

Thursday is our busiest day since that is the night most of my school work is due. Don't forget i am finishing my degree which means exams,homework, and 20 hours of school work all to be done at night after kids are in bed.

Friday is hubbies late night work day and he closes which gets him home at midnight or a bit after. Usually if the week has been crazy he will head to school when he drops the girls off that way he gets to see them at least part of the day.

Saturday is spent apart for another 19 hours or so every other week. And when he isn't gone that long he will probably stay in town and study and be gone sometime in the day for around 8 hours.

Sunday we go to church and spend every other minute catching up. So if you do the elementary math you can see that in a week that consists of 168 hours we spend about 100 hours apart. Just imagine that week in and week out. And then when you track the hours we are at home together don't forget we have to sleep, we try to get out as a family for fun, and then we still fit in studying at home after the kids are in bed.

Now next time you see a ragged, half dressed, barely showered, kind of shy Marilee starring at you blankly as you chat you will know it is nothing personal I am just hanging on as best I can.

Occassionally we have friends or family who don't seem to understand WHY hubby can't simply TAKE OFF for a couple days Seeing how often he is home know that he studies less then his friends. He takes off an entire day every week. I wish there was a way to get others to understand but short of my previous spelling what our week is really like we just take the misinformed comments.

One thing I have learned in our almost ten years of marriage is that we all do things different. What works for one family is not good for another. There is no right way there are just pure goals. Our family goal is the same as yours, raise good kids, provide for the family, and find happiness. We go about it our way. We are an odd couple, older to still be in school, young for having elementary age kids. But you know, we are happy. We support one another.

I am busy, I am stressed, but I only take on what I think I can handle and forgive myself for not doing more. So there you have it, the reason I wear sweats most days even though I love dressing nice, why as a hair dresser my hair usually looks like crap, and why the dark bags even though I know what concealor is and not to forget, the late mad rush to drop kids off in the morning. I am doing the best I can.

So next time you want to hang out, get together, plan a trip, or invite us over know full well that my hubby probably won't be there. He loves hanging out, he loves visiting friends and family, but truth is HE LOVES ME MORE, so if he had to take away alone time with me or the kids for you, it probably won't happen.

I know lots of friends are reading and nodding knowing just how I feel. We are blessed to have friends that understand the stress of school, the endless hours of studying, and the pressure of scoring well on boards. Thankfully we are less than a month awayfrom getting USMLE and COMLEX step one done which means a few precious weeks until the craziness of rotations.