Much needed trip

I have no photos from my little day away from home but I will post a few thanks to others found via the web.

Life has been crazy and there have been a lot of hardships around this part of the world (aka our home) and I needed to clear my head or rather get it all dusted off and put to good use. So I headed out to this lovely place in the company of a few wonderful friends in my car.

From here

It was only three of us in our car so it was nice and cozy with lots of talking and time sped by before we knew it we were there. And I enjoyed a good two hours there with little to no sleepiness (surprisingly because i did get up at 6 am and I am usually a 9 o'clock girl). But the quiet moment I spent before leaving in the most gorgeous room ever was just what I needed. I sat in the corner with my box of tissues and simply sobbed a bit. I left all my heart ache, frustration, and pain there and came home feeling a bit more optimistic. 

Incase the world doesn't already know one of the struggles in our home lately is that dang baby game. My closest friends know that I have been baby ready well before we moved from Rexburg. And once we were ready to finish up our last semester there we knew our family was not complete but we felt we needed to wait. And wait we did for over two years. It has been hard to watch EVERYONE have babies but I kept telling myself it just wasn't our time. Well once we knew it was we nievely assumes that we would not have trouble. But 9 months have passed and our home is beginning to feel quiet lonely. The girls are wonderful but even they notice a difference on the days we watch my sweet niece. Having a baby around just makes us all feel a bit more whole. I don't know if anyone knows that feeling of emptiness from a child missing but there really are no words. Whether you are blessed like us to have some children or have yet to have any that storm of desire, loneliness, want, emptiness, and shear pain is sometimes just so hard. 

For me I just want to know what to do and not have to wait. We are perfectly fine if we cannot have our own children we will adopt. I own my life to adoption and would love to have that same blessing for my little family. But you know being a student doesn't exactly scream stable where you are up against well established families. But we wait and thankfully due to my trip and having Brian around to help me nest (pre next med semester and the beginning of a long journey). We clean together, chat a lot, and express often our deep desires and it is bringing us together. So if you see me around noticing all the beautiful babies with a tear in my eye you should know I AM HAPPY for those around me it just makes that empty part of your heart ache just a bit. 

I am thankful all the time for my girls and there slow growing. By that I mean they are still my little girls. They want to snuggle all the time. They constantly tell me they love me. And they show me that in their hearts they are still so innocent and little. In a world where kids grow up before they ever should it is refreshing to know I still have sweet little girls around me. And there constant smiles remind me that our family and do hard things. They didn't come here with any ease and we all made it out better for our struggles. So this to will take us a closer and more heaven grounded family. 

So to end my post I will show you one of the things that keeps me going when the light at the end of the tunnel seems to have burned out.....

from here

from here

Only a year away and a simple half hour drive!

Dancer Photos

PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN YOUR HEART!

 BABY FACE

I love these two little knuckle heads. They keep me smiling and maybe a bit of eye rolling ALL THE TIME! Friday was a perfect proud mama moment seeing them dance up there on stage. And I was proud I made it through with no tears!

The partner

The Proud Mama

Daddy's little girls!

Dance videos

Sorry that Layla is a bit blurry and kind of not in most of the shot. She was in the back and there wasn't a lot a room to get a good angle on her but hopefully you enjoy it. She is the far left kid in the second row who at the beginning is in the wrong spot on the other side of the stage!



Isa is simply a doll, I absolutely love that she looks like me on stage, but i do say she is a bit on the reserved side. She did have fun but says she is not doing it next year. We will see about that, mom has magical persauasion if needed!

It's Spring Cleaning time

Anyone else using the soggy weather to clean? I am in a organizing mood and my pantry is getting a total makeover. I am loving the progress and thinking it make be a start or a crazy adventure and hopefully a totally clean home (or at least during the hours of 10 pm and 7 am it will be perfectly clean!)

I will post photos soon and also tonight is the big dance recital so it should mean a overload of photos, videos, and a lot of glitter!

Today was a big day

And this is only the beginning....

More exciting stories to come

Music watch

Tuesday was music watch day at Layla's school and it was SO fun to see all that she has worked on. She has grown up this year more than any other year aside from the first of course. She is becoming such a sweet, independent, feisty yet kind, BIG girl. I can't believe we just have a couple weeks until she is a first grader. Crazy!

favorite band or artist

This is super hard because I LOVE music and listen to all kinds. So i am going to pull up the top 20 songs on my  itunes and let you take a look at what I like! These are the most played this week! 

Syndicate- The Fray

You Got Me- Colbie Caillat

No Air- Jordan Sparks

One Last Chance- James Morrison

Reasons to Love You- Meiko

Say- John Mayer

Live Like You're Dying- Lenka

All Around Me- Flyleaf

Sunday- Sia

Soldier- Ingrid Michaelson

Bloodshot- Jack's Mannequin

Supermassive black hole- Muse

Son's Gonna Rise- Citizen Cope

Kaleidoscope Heart- Sara Bareilles

Life for Rent- Dido

Somewhere Only We Know- Keane

Pony- Erin McCarley

When It Rains- Paramore

We Cry- The Script

Magic- Ben Folds Five

LOVE/HATE

I am suppose to post a photo of something I love and Hate! Since I am currently starving but trying to eat healthy and good I will post some food because it is on the brain!

I HATE pickles!

I LOVE Broccoli!

I think most of the world might reverse the two but for me this is it. And THANKFULLY my whole family agrees!

day 4-8

Okay this season is bringing NO TIME to do anything but run around like a crazy person with a to do list a mile long. And I swear blogging is on the list it just is accompanied by a bazillion other things that somehow have to come first. Here are a few posts put into one on the blog challenge posts I started forever ago.

A picture of my night!

We have been having our sweet little Jheda over a couple times a week and Layla has attached herself to her and makes up little games for them. This is the new one where she pulls her around the house and man is it a hit. Layla AND Jheda crack up while they take the tour through the house giggling all the way! Layla is learning to be such a big help and these two have so much fun together! 

A picture of my favorite memory!

My favorite memory is our wedding day. Mostly because it marks the beginning of our new phase of life together. I absolutely love this man! 

My most treasured Item!

Okay so maybe it is more like a group of items (aka my family) but they are the most treasured part of my life. I wouldn't know what to do without them they mean everything to me. 

A picture that makes me laugh!

Oh we were so young and in love. And we were to scared to touch in front of our parents. This was pretty much our first "date" because we went out together in a group, to a dance, and dinner, and it was so fun and awkward as only it can be at 15!

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most. 

For this one I thought a group of  photos with the people that have been there for me was much more appropriate because it has taken an army to get me to where i am now. Here are a couple picture of the people who helped mold me into well ME!

 Julianne who has been my friend since sunbeams and still gives me strength by her amazing example!

 My rexburg girls Kristi and Ashley..... we have been through so much and always remind each other, we can do hard things! 

 Mary, you remember her from my earlier post!

My sweet hubby, this is us when we were engaged, cute huh!

My parents because they helped me become everything I am, the good, the crazy, the ocd, and the kind! 

Good news update

credit

I seriously love these comics, okay on to the post I was thinking up! 

After surviving the weekend with few tears I am happy to say the scans were not as bad to endure as I thought. But if you want to tell someone that the prep is the only hard part you are LYING! I came home and was in a ton of pain for about 2 days. I have to say now I feel the same as before which is kind of crappy but at least the test is over.

Good news time- the doctor was able to get two wonderfully clear scopes done and only found a single ulcer on the ileum (small intestine say hello to large intestine). So they did a bunch of biopsies to check for microscopic colitis. THANKFULLY I have no signs of Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis. If my biopsies come back clean than I can join the world of IBS patients that basically feel like crap but have no visual signs of something wrong, AKA find a med that works and makes you feel good. As nice as that sounds it will be a bit of a road to figure out what works.

Plus we have the added fun of finding something that works when you are pregnant and then continue on our painful journey to figuring out what the Lord's plan for us and another little rug rat is. Life is full of ?'s and a lot of waiting. But as I have learned it is usual worth all the blood, sweat and tears!

As a somewhat gross side note, if any of you who read this actually see me an a regular basis you might notice a freakishly nasty bruise that looks like I tried to shoot up but messed up. That would be thanks to my lovely nurse who could not get an iv in the crook of my arm and when pulling it out she shot my precious blood all over the place. (did I mention I HATE NEEDLES!) I then got a nice HORRIBLY painful iv in my hand which now has left a pretty hideable bruise but needed 8 strips on tape to keep in place. I need no reminder why I am  NOT the one going to med school. I will proudly support my husband and clean out toilets if it means I don't have to do THAT every day!

Here is to hoping this week is a lot less dramatic and boring, oh I dream of boring!